IV - Working with Children, Grandparents and Siamese Triplets

1. Children won't always take direction.

Spent this afternoon looking after three-year-old Ollie. He is one of four very sweet boys, all under eleven, who I regularly babysit. Last week (visions of myself as Maria Von Trapp) I tried to teach him and five-year-old James a song in the bath before bed. Unfortunately, they decided it would be more fun to soak me in bath water instead.

Today, my hopes of encouraging a little music appreciation were raised as Ollie’s mum had bought Disney’s Fantasia for us to watch. I desperately tried pointing out the instruments and asking if he liked the music… but about halfway through the Nutcracker Suite, Ollie declared “I think I don’t want to watch this anymore”. Von Trapp dream fail no. 2.

After the third viewing of replacement-DVD Cars 2, I thought perhaps we could play a game. Ollie choose Kids Articulate, which turned out to be more like 252-card-pick-up. Things were then going quite well until, of course, Mum came back with the three other kids. Ollie went hyper, hugged me head first in the crotch, left a spit mark, stepped away, pointed at it and shouted: “You did a wee!!!” Queue gasp from all four kids and embarrassed mother trying to say I had probably just spilled something…!

Think I'll stay clear of the Von Trapp dream for another decade…

2. Listen to the old and wise.

Maternal Grandma has arrived for the weekend, and with her, Royal Wedding fever. There’s Union Jacks over the fireplace, we spent the evening watching Tom Bradley’s Wills and Kate interview and laughing through Mum and Dad’s old wedding pics... 

Grandma quote of the day: “I’m sure William’s the nicer of the two, but somehow Harry’s got more sex appeal! I know which one of the two I’d go for if I was your age!!!” Queue song: Yvonne Fair’s gutsy Motown hit It Should Have Been Me.

3. Catch The Vaudevillains at Charing Cross Theatre, London, before 14^th May.

This production certainly fulfilled Les Enfants Terribles Theatre Company's aim to create “original, innovative and exciting theatre”. The mission allows them to incorporate the advanced skills and talent of company members, such as Rachel Dawson’s cello playing (which I remember from school!) She even managed to play in character; the middle triplet of the Siamese sisters joined at the hip! Oliver Lansley not only wrote the words to this entertaining whodunit, but also performed engagingly as The Compere. Another favourite of ours was the schizophrenic Ventriloquist played by Anthony Spargo. Amidst the current arts funding cuts, it's so important to support these fantastic professional companies.

III - This time next year I will look like Halle Berry

1. Set yourself BIG challenges.

I think I've got caught up in Marathon fever. Always one to compete with the boys it might be something to do with my father's mild addiction, including him running Paris a few weeks ago, and brother James doing this year’s London marathon.* With encouragement from friends Rachel and Alice both signing up, and in a moment of spontaneity, I’ve entered the London 2012 marathon ballot!

It’s also a great alternative to my Bond Girl/Street Dance Boot Camp dream which involves me being whisked off to a sunny island for a year, intensive kick-boxing/street dance training and culminates in a Halle-Berry-emerges-from-water-style photo shoot and Diversity-before-they-were-famous-dance-off routine. Hmm. Once I’m super-toned from marathon training, I might at least take up beginners street dancing (again) and pursue that dream...

2. Watch where you’re walking.

You know when you’ve got all that nervous energy to expend after an interview and you’re walking down the street singing to yourself and then you trip over your own feet? That was me today. Better watch those feet if I get a place in the marathon…

3. I’m Every Woman.

Something to get me running to, à la Bridget Jones. Chaka Khan; a true queen of R&B.

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*Tonight’s dinner dialogue…

James: “I’ve entered the marathon ballot!”

Me (proud): “So have I!”

Mum (concerned): “But it CAN’T be good for you!”

James (coolly): “S’alight; I only started training 6 months before this year's marathon!”

Me (defiant): “YEAH, I’ve been running for at least 5 years!”

Dad (shush luv): “Never those distances though!”

Dialogue subtext: Person ‘Number 4’ (as they like to call me thanks to the Census) tries to prove her abilities to her elders. Person 'Number 1' puts her back in her place and re-establishes his position as best family marathon runner.

II – Golf, Gigs and Gin

1. Tell your audience to shut up if they’re not listening.

Gig at a golf club dinner this evening with my parents’ choir – Otto Voce – who are, as one member put it:

“…four couples who have fun singing, and sometimes have fun with each other”.

Stuck at the end of a long room with 140 hungry golfers getting started on the gin, it wasn’t a surprise that the ‘audience’ started chatting during the first set, thinking we were background music. We all felt very disheartened.

For the second set, (which involved solos from myself, the wonderful soprano Els Janes and the classy piano/sax duo Chris Roe and Tom Griffiths), we moved the keyboard and mic to the centre of the room. With a lot of support from the parents, I stood up to the mic, no plan for words, but with the determination to make them listen. I demanded their attention because “I’m going to sing now” and proceeded to say myself and the other three ‘younsters’ were “offspring of the choir… so they weren’t joking when they said they had fun with each other… Although hopefully that was a long time ago and only once…” Looking Mum and Dad in the eye after that one wasn’t easy….

Next thing I knew, I had asked who had got a hole-in-one that weekend. Of course, it was the jolly middle-aged Social Captain, and I told him to meet me at the bar after the singing. He took my joke to heart and at the end of the set, grabbed me for a hug in front of the whole crowd (including my old primary school teacher and dentist), took me to the bar and ordered the bar man to make me whatever I wanted…!

Still, the audience were attentive for the rest of the evening and although some dignity lost, Otto Voce sounded beautiful and a gin and tonic was gained!

2. Keep your balls together.

This was the conclusion from our epic family game of croquet (Uncle Julian and I were victorious). For more information on the advanced rules of croquet, please see me.

3. Lonyo – Summer of Love.

Rediscovered this track on Radio 1 this weekend; there’s some sort of scrunchy chord in there that I can’t get enough of. 

I – National Treasures

1. Good things (including nudity) come to those who wait.           

Having queued from 7.20am (behind sixty other hardy theatre-goers including one who had arrived the previous night at 11!) for Frankenstein day tickets, I was worried I might drop off during the performance. How wrong was I. A loud strike from the huge church bell suspended over the auditorium brought everyone to the edge of their seats from ‘lights down’. And the completely starkers Jonny Lee Miller squirming to find his feet as The Creature kept me right there for the first ten minutes of the production...!

2. Use your imagination.
The National's Olivier has got to be my favourite theatre space in London. It encourages the wildest imaginings of a director to be realised: a person shot underwater in Coram Boy, a full blown battle on horse-back in War Horse and now the 'birth' of The Creature in Frankenstein. Truly awesome. 

3. Theatre is business. Exploit play’s ideas and talent to bring audience back again.

The lovely Benedict Cumberbatch played Victor Frankenstein and I am tempted to go again to see him swap roles with Miller. Through demanding but superb physical acting from both actors, Danny Boyle (director) neatly presented the power struggle between the two characters.

4. British Sun + early evening = Pimms o’clock.

Having collected my tickets I found myself in a deck chair on the sand by the river Thames, surrounded by twenty photographers attending the press launch of The Southbank Centre’s Festival of Britain. Here I am in one of the photos! The beautiful sun also meant Pimms O’Clock came early this year. Doggetts pub by Blackfriars Bridge provided the perfect jug for myself and my great friend Katie, possibly the fondest Pimms-drinker outside of the Howies that I know.

5. Listen to lots of music.

Feels like summer so here's my summer mix!